Thursday, April 29, 2010
She did fine. She was sleepy when we got there, but content. She gave me a big smile when I kissed her goodbye and didn't seem to mind the strange surroundings one bit. She didn't sleep too well yesterday, I'm assuming because all the noise and crying, but seemed happy as can be when I picked her up. If there was any way to make ends meet with only one income, I'd be the happiest person in the world. It's just not feasible right now.
I hear this gets easier as time goes on. I sure hope so...
Posted by MrsA.Woods at 2:47 PM
Friday, April 23, 2010
Posted by MrsA.Woods at 11:26 AM
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
When I was little, I used to imagine what having a baby would be like. I imagined looking at my husband, saying those words we both looked so forward to hearing, "It's time", having tons of painful contractions but managing (with the help of an epidural) through them, then finally pushing and delivering our beautiful baby. Never did it cross my mind that I would have an emergency c-section. The thought of being cut open used to bring me to tears, literally. Naive? Definitely, but I've been terrified of the procedure since the day I learned that it existed. So I'd convinced myself that I wouldn't fall into that category. Everything would go perfectly... I just knew it.
Fast forward to the day before I went into labor. I had my 38 week doctors appointment, and the topic of conversation was how I so desperately wanted to avoid a c-section at all costs. She assured me that making it to 3 cms, 90% effaced was a good indicator that things would go as I'd planned.
Things didn't go "perfectly". I ended up with an emergency c-section, and it's taken me a lot longer than I thought to come to terms with it. I felt instant dissapointment the moment the doctor told me what had to happen. After the procedure was over, I was the happiest person in the world to have such a beautiful, healthy baby girl, but I couldn't shake the dissapointment. I felt like a failure. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, because when I saw the incision, I'd immediately burst into tears that would last the rest of the day. I didn't feel like a woman. I felt like my body hadn't been able to do it's most important job. I felt like I'd been robbed of the experience of delivering a baby. I couldn't tell anyone I'd given birth, because I hadn't. Someone had cut me opened and removed the baby. It was a procedure, not a natural happening. I was depressed about the fact that I couldn't physically get out of the bed to get my daughter when she was crying. I had to depend on the nurse or Jack. To top it off, I had this ugly scar to serve as a reminder of my failure for the rest of my life, along with the possibility that any future children would have to be c-sections as well.
I reached out for the support of husband and my online groups, and boy did they respond. I ran across a post written by a mother whose story was similar, and what she wrote put things into perspective for the first time for me. Here is part of her post "Ode to my Scar" :
Posted by MrsA.Woods at 2:19 PM
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Our baby girl is now a month old! Hard to believe... and bittersweet. She's growing so fast. Every day we experience something new together. Here are some updates from her doctors appointment this past Tuesday, and some new developments:
**As of Tuesday, she weighs 8 lbs. 11 oz. That's up from 7 lbs. 1 oz on her birth day!
**She's still 21 inches long.
**She can still fit in most of her newborn outfits, but we've also started swapping out for the 0-3's. Some of them are too big still, but I give it another week before we'll have to retire her newborn collection.
**She's still eating around every 2-3 hours, and if given a bottle (of breast milk, of course) she'll usually gulp down around 3 ozs.
**Sleeping at night is hit or miss. Some nights she does wonderfully, only waking every 2-3 hours to eat then going right back to sleep. Other nights she likes to party. ;)
**She's smiling so much now! She also recognizes Jack and my voice. She'll turn all the way around to follow our voice!
Our happy family
Posted by MrsA.Woods at 9:07 PM