Ugh. I’ve dreaded this day since I registered for classes. Biology. Three days a week, I get to sit through lectures and labs, disgusting dissections and slides, all while daydreaming of better places to be. I failed Biology in high school. Not because I didn’t understand it. Nope. We had to dissect an earth worm. Now, anyone that knows me knows that I am deathly afraid of snakes. Like, my chest tightens… I start shaking uncontrollably…. I can’t speak…. and I cry, embarrassingly cry. Dead, stretched out earth worm = looks like a snake. I sat in the hallway during that class, so needless to say, I got a big fat zero for a huge lab grade. Oh freakin’ well. So wish me luck, if you will. Maybe cross your fingers that anything resembling a snake stays far, far away from my biology class, or we might just have a repeat of high school.
I have to admit, I’m a little nervous as to how I’m going to balance baby, work, and home life with school now in the mix. I’m only taking one class so that will help, but when will I do homework? I think the only logical conclusion is to stay up an hour or so longer than I do now and try my best to get it all done.
Something is definitely going on with my sweet girl. For starters, we’re going through a sleep regression stage. Our once-a-night rendezvous’ have slowly increased to 2, then 3, and now sometimes 4 and 5 times a night. I’m exhausted. I’ve tried everything that I can think of, short of letting her cry (Which we all know I REFUSE to do). Right now the only thing that seems to work is either feeding her or giving her the paci and rubbing her back until she falls back asleep. I just don’t know what else to try. Is this just a phase? A super long growth spurt? Another really late 4 month wakeful period? If anyone has ANY ideas, I’m all ears.
That brings me to my next thought. What if she’s ready for solids, and I’m just too stubborn to realize that those researchers only give estimates on what age they think babes are ready? What if I’m so stuck on the “6 months to the day” that I’m really prohibiting her from starting on HER time, not mine? Could this be why she’s suddenly waking more to eat? Is she not getting full on breast milk alone? Ugh, I’m so confused.
Yesterday my mom went and picked Lily up from day care. They told her that she’d been a little fussy all day, but as soon as they picked her up she was fine. Uh, oh. Is this the start of the dreaded separation anxiety? Or are we dealing with a case of being spoiled? (hehehe… I’m totally to blame. I won’t even TRY to deny that one.) Here’s the thing: I’m still having a pretty hard time swallowing the fact that someone else gets to care for my heart while I slave away behind a desk. Lily loves her teachers, she’s excited when we get there, she’s napping better there now, and we can afford to give her (almost) everything she could possibly want right now. It is what it is. We can’t afford for me to quit, so here we are. When I hear that my girl was upset and I wasn’t there to console and hold her, I break down. I cried after I got off the phone with mom yesterday. I felt so guilty for leaving her somewhere that someone could not hold her 24/7 like I can (and usually do). I know she's well taken care of there, but that’s my baby girl. It’s just hard, that’s all I’m saying.
Okay well enough of the randomness... we got some cute pictures this past weekend so I'll be sure to share them soon!